Please save me

 Im 27 this year, unfortunately married to a tyrant, with a 2yr old daughter. I went through alot of hell ever since this marriage. I prayed everyday that i get to find my happiness one day. 

That one day came. I get to know a colleague, she's perfect. The one you wish you get to be with together. We laughed together, worked together, enjoyed doing things together. Every single day passed, i fell in love with her more and more. She went through alot of hell throughout her life. I just want to be there for her. I want her to be happy always. We shared our stories, both happy and sad memories. I feld happiness after so long of suffering. She may not look perfect, but her heart, her soul, her hug, its so warm.

Today, 21 Oct 2020, i confessed to her. We blushed, like as if we were from school times. I was expecting for her answer, but i dont want to rush her. Im afraid it will be awkward after that moments. We hugged, and she left for her work. My mind is filled with curiousity. Will she accept me? Or reject me? I told myself, to accept whatever her answer will be. But negativity overpowered the positivity. I need to expect her to say, "i hope that we can just be friends". As i know, im still married with a child. I know i need to accept her answer. But the pain of rejection will still be there. God, i wish u will take my life, end my sufferings, i cant live without her in my life. Please give me a reason why she entered my life. If she rejected me, i will thank her for her answer. But truthfully, i just want to die. I dont want to suffer anymore. I already wished to die ever since the marriage. Her rejection is like adding salt to injury. Before i die,  i will pray that she find her happiness. Someone that is suitable for her, care for her through thick and thin. God please protect her from pain and evil. Let me take her pain and sadness in my death. 

To anyone who read this, i hope that you are well and wont go through what i went through. Let me take your burdens and sins in my grave. Thank you for everything, the beautiful memories, shahida. I love you, always..

March 25

sorry guys.. i didnt update for so long coz there's nothing interesting in my life. i remembered i was told by someone special to stop being emo, so i took up a hobby of collecting gundams. it really works. i began watching gundam 00 till last episode of season two and now i own 3 gundam models...oh why must gunpla be so expensive... it took me 3 hours straight without break to complete one model. well, building the models is the best part other den posing it for display. i get addicted to dis hobby and my emo 'level' seems to decrease a lot. well dats all i have to say for now. lets wait till sumtin fun happens. bye bye!!

a week of hell...

hello guys. im sorry for the late update. ive been feeling sick lately. anyway, im gonna write bout dis one whole week. one monday, my frens and i went to wild wild wet on the afternoon. fortunately, one random old man gave a senior entry ticket to me. hahaha lucky me, no nid to spend $8!!! the weather was damn hot dat we nid to take huge steps to other pools coz the ground was so hot and spiky. i like the lazy pool most coz it reminds me of my days wif my childhood frens....i missed those days... when the sun was setting, we decided to go back home. on my way to pasir ris inter, i felt dizzy and i sweat like hell. at night, i cant sleep coz of the sweating, even though i turn the fan to max speed.. the next day, flu,headache,sore throat and coughing attacked me. dis sickness went on and on till friday. only the flu and coughing stayed on friday. almost all my frens whom i went together with to the mosque on friday got flu coz of me. i just laughed...but we all didnt care coz we had fun later at my fren's house playing soccer on his ps2. 7-6..haha lucky me! 1st time i got 7 points! hm.. maybe my pro fren was interrupted by his flu.. haha who cares!! on sunday all my sickness subsided. man...i promise myself not to go to the swimming pool on hell weather...the sickness was painfull man...coz of my sickness, i cant draw... well, dats all for my boring life.. i rather live in indo wif my cousins man...singapore so boring...not dat many frens... ok bye2 u humans!

feeling lonely...

hello humans. im feeling so lonely now. no one to talk to. and i just made more humans hate me for my stupid doings. well, its like normal in my life for humans to hate me. but i really hate it. how i wish i have a normal life and not stuck in dis dark life of mine.. i hope i can make more frens at poly..and finally find the love of my life. there is a way for me to remove my emotional self...but its almost impossible...for a girl to accept my love. i really hope dat girl comes to my life faster coz i cant handle dis pain any longer. i really want to remove my emotional side but i cant do it alone. please god...help me find dat girl... oh and i hope no one hate me for wat i just say..

1st time blogging

hello humans...either live or dead...who is reading dis... dis is my 1st time blogging. well if it isnt coz of a friend, i wont be doin dis....blog thing. well im gona write bout wat happened from 14 feb to 15 feb 2010. wah...14 feb...worst day ever..valentine's day..the day dat reminds singles that they ar single.. felt like going out wif sumone but all the people i asked were busy. nothing to do, so i draw a pic, the whole day..it looks sumti like dis in the end. took me total of 4hrs to complete it. oh and i promised a friend dat i draw an angel for her. its gonna be a surprise..she's gona be surprised.. the next day, 15 feb, went to century square to watch percy jackson wif a fren. the movie was great, but there are some flaws.. how i wish there was a cerberus instead of hound and a fight between gods, especially invoving hedes..he's cool man, looks like lucifer.. anyway, after the show, i went home and chat wif my childhood friend. i help her out wif sumtin coz im a guy....haha coz only a guy's mind can help her wif dat sumtin. hm....i really wish i could see her again after all this years...miss her alot... well there's a chance i can see her again but....after her o lvl ends.. nvrmind i just need to be patient..GOD PLEASE SPEED UP THE TIME!!!!...haha so much for being patient.. oh well i dunno wat else to say. just need to wait den. oh look at the time..its 2am.. ok humans. bye for now. sayonara...